


veneziano

by galaxiay



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 23:33:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9095557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxiay/pseuds/galaxiay
Summary: It's no secret that Venice has always had major problems with flooding. Italy Veneziano never seemed to mind, but he hid his true feelings well. He was worried and afraid that he would soon be his time, but he never voiced his concerns until a particularly bad Aqua Alta manages to finally kill him once and for all. The countries of the world mourned his loss and he was gone for 21 long years until he was suddenly discovered once again, living his life as a human. The only problem was that he had no memory of his life as a country.





	1. I: FIELD OF FLOWERS

"Damn it, where the hell are those three? This isn't like them at all!" Germany snapped, pacing the front of the room. The rest of the countries sat around the table, bored out of their minds as they waited for the representations of England, Norway, and Romania to return. "The thirty minute lunch break ended nearly ten minutes ago, where had they gone it that time? Not to mention that Norway is the the host of this meeting!"

"Mr. Germany, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for all of this! Possibly they just got wrapped up in one of their spells again, you know how it is-!" Finland said before being cut off.

"That is no excuse! I don't care in one of them was turned into a frog or something, I just want them here!"

It was understandable why he was so upset. The meeting had actually been going rather smoothly for once. There were only a few fights here and there, just like the old times, but most countries were no longer mourning horribly over the...loss. It took years for them to finally bring back their old selves.

When Romano started coming to meetings again nearly four years ago, everyone understood that they need to get over it, although they knew Romano would never quite be over it. He still seemed even angrier than before, but no one was offended when he lashed out at them, they knew he was just hurting. Who wouldn't be honestly?

Many of the countries found the helpless boy annoying as hell but they still liked him; it was difficult not to, even if he got on your nerves every other day. It was hard to ignore the loss of Italy Veneziano and it effected countries in different ways.

Romano was angrier than ever and denied the death, screaming at anyone who even looked at him the wrong way. He was insufferable to be around and although you knew he was hurting over the loss of his last family member (aside from Seborga), no one wanted to be around him. Spain was the only one who was there for him through the whole mourning process. Now, he just pretends that there was never another Italy, but when he's mentioned, Romano becomes ridiculously angry. He still refuses to be called anything other than Romano.

He was the only witness to the death of his brother as well and it was so sudden as he had told Spain long ago. "He was laughing and having fun and annoying me when he started coughing. It was like he was drowning, which he probably was, the force of the Aquca Alta forcing the water into his lungs. He collapsed and there was no time to call a doctor and then he just...faded away. I can't believe my last fucking words to him 'I hate you, you bastard!'"

Japan felt like a part of him was missing. It was weird not having a surprise visit from one of his best friends every once and a while, a loud, cheery voice and a tight hug accompanying him. His house was quiet most times anyway, and now it was quiet all the time (aside from visits from America though he seemed quite subdued as well). He would arrive home sometimes, his house still smelling like pasta and he would expect Italy and there would be no one there, hitting him with the harsh reality that his friend was really gone. When the smell of pasta finally faded, he had let some tears fall, knowing the smell would most likely never be returning.

Prussia often cried in silence after the passing of his friend and crush. You could be half way through telling him something and then when you turned to look at him, he would have tears running down his face and his shoulders would be shaking slightly. You didn't even have to ask what was wrong to know it was over the Italian. He tried to surround himself with his friends, but it hardly worked as they were sad as well so he ended up alone at the bar, trying to keep it together in the booth at the back.

Hungary was quite open about her feelings and so was Austria if you count writing sad and slow symphonies, the paper marked with tear stains. They were always very close to Italy as they had pretty much raised him for years.

Spain was only sad when he was alone as he tried to keep it together for everyone else's sake, especially Romano. With Italy gone, it was up to him to make people happy all by himself, but it was hard when every silly thing he did managed to remind everyone of the loss.

Switzerland acted like it wasn't a big deal to him as Italy had proved to be quite the nuisance, but deep down, he was rather upset. Although all Italy ever did was run through his territory, streaking and crying for Germany, he missed him. Although he'd never admit it, it was actually kind of fun terrifying the Italian and shooting at him.

Most other all had varying degrees of sadness, but the worst, right next to Romano was Germany. He had liked to act like he had it together, like it hadn't phased him, but really it had. He was the one who kept the world meetings going and he just acted as if Italy had never existed, sort of like Romano was doing now. He buried himself in his work and kept the meetings chugging along until three years after Italy's death, Romano appeared for the first time.

He had called Romano Italy, as he was now the only representative, and Romano lashed out. He screamed at Germany, calling him horrible names and saying that he never cared for Italy among many other things. Germany finally let his true feelings show as he shouted back at he Italian, saying that he cared for Italy deeply. He went off, explaining it all and in the end, he had let a couple tears down his face before calling the meeting off for the day and storming out. Romano left back to Italy that night and wasn't seen at another meeting until seven years later.

The meeting room was silent except for the noise of Germany's dress shoes hitting the linoleum floors until finally the doors to the meeting room slammed open and the trio ran in, panting and bending over, trying to get the much needed air back into their lungs. Even Norway seemed quite tired which surprised everyone; he normally had the most stamina out of the three.

"England, where the hell-?"

"Italy's alive!" Romania yelped, struggling to straighten himself up as he continued to breath deeply.

"What?" Germany rasped.

"Romania, you can't just-!" Hungary began to say, a look of disgust punctuated with a sneer spreading across her face.

"It's no joke!" Romania cried desperately, forcing himself up right.

"Romania, that's enough-!" Belgium cried, tears suddenly clouding her eyes as she grew upset.

"He's not lying," Norway said. He said it monotonously yet he was still breathing quiet hard. "Why else would we be so late and run here as fast as we all could? It had to be completely important and I don't think I can imagine anything more important in the current time."

His eyes swept along the stunned-silent nations before taking a step back and nodding to England. "It was him the figured it out. England, would you care to explain to them how we managed to find him?"

"Of course," England said, stepping forward and wiping the sweat off his forehead. "It was shortly after the break began that I remembered I had left my presentation papers at home. I had already had lunch plans with these two so we all left to my house. After we had my presentation papers, Romania suggested we do I bit of magic before the meeting began again so we went down to my basement and began.

"Recently, I had been working on a spell to see the dead and I had said the first name that came to mind before realizing and suddenly..."

_The trio stumbled back as and landed on their butts before pushing theirselves up and brushing themselves off. "Arthur," Norway began, taking in his surroundings, "do you know this place?"_

_"I...have absolutely no idea..."_

_"Wherever it is, it's amazing," Romania said._

_The three stood in a small field just behind a moderately large two story house. A dirt road was towards their right and a small patch of forest to their backs. In front of them, just behind the house, was a hammock in between two shady trees, a bench just next to it and a fire pit in front of the two._

_Norway then pointed to the other side of the road, "Let's go up that hill to see if we can get a better view."_

_The three did so and once again marveled at the valley stretching out before them._

_"Whoever lives here is lucky as hell," Romania said, gazing out at the flowers._

_Suddenly, they were interrupted by a masculine voice calling out from behind them down the hill, "Feli, where did you go?" There was no answer and the man quickly reached the crest of the hill, scanning the valley of flowers below. The first thing the trio noticed was how short he was, for a man at least. He couldn't have been any taller than 5'2, and he stood up on his tip-toes to try to see into the flowers. His honey colored hair swished in front of his face as his head turned from side to side, his forest green eyes seemingly drinking up everything they saw._

_His eyes then stopped on a spot on the side of the hill where the flowers and tall grasses practically disappeared in a small patch before starting up again and stretching far off into the horizon. "Ah, there you are," he sighed and began to hop down the hill in short patterns to avoid falling._

_"Should we follow him?" England began, but Norway was already ahead of him, moving along the way the boy had gone. The other two quickly followed and stood a bit away from the man as he stopped, leaning over the empty patch, a look of amused annoyance written across his soft face. He kicked a leg out and nudged the patch._

_"Hey, get up, we gotta go."_

_The three then noticed that there was a body lying in the patch, pressing down the flowers and grasses that had already been there._

_"Che...?" a soft and sleepy voice rose up_

_"You seriously need to stop sleeping in the grass, dude, you're going to get chiggers or something," he scoffed, the ghost if a laugh rising in his throat._

_"Ve...sorry, Levi, the sun is just so warm and everything is calm and quiet here. I feel like...I don't know how to explain it," the voice in the grass giggled, causing the trio to freeze._

_"Is that...who I think it is...?" Romania asked, his chest tightening as his breath abandoned him._

_"I was expecting you to say something like that, but it's time to leave now, Feli."_

_"Did he just say...Feli?" England asked._

_"Oh no, but I love it here...!"_

_"But there's so much else out there that we haven't seen yet, you don't want to miss it by staying here do you?"_

_"Hm...no, I guess not."_

_The man, Levi, reached out a hand to help the other up and the three stared at the other man in shock. Standing before them was the old representation of Northern Italy, Feliciano Vargas, a man that was believed to be dead. He stood slightly taller than Levi, but not by much admittedly, which was strange considering the last time they saw him, he was close to 5'7. His shoulders were small along with the rest of him and his face was still soft and round, similar to his friend. His hair was shorter as well, parted off to his right and swept up on top of his head, most likely using quite a bit of hair gel and hair spray._

_"Hey, and who knows, maybe we'll find a place even more beautiful than this one, huh?"_

_Feliciano hummed once again before shaking his head, "No, there isn't a more beautiful place in the whole world. Well, except maybe in Italy; it reminds me of this."_

_"You keep talking about this mysterious Italian sanctuary, will I be able to see it some day?" he asked jokingly._

_"Sure!" Feliciano's face brightened up like a lightbulb before the two began to walk down hill, "But let's finish with America first, then I'll take you all over Italy and you'll love it and I'll make you pasta every night!"_

_"Okay, maybe not every night, but yeah, I can't wait."_

_"Yay! Let's go say bye to Ana and then we can leave so we can go to Italy faster!" Feli suddenly took off down the hill towards the house._

_"Feliciano, be carful! You might trip!"_

England's eyes swept over the room at all of the shocked faces that stared up at him.

"Woah, woah, woah, how do you know he's not dead if the spell is for dead people?" Turkey asked, staring up at England, most likely glaring behind his mask.

"Because we tried in on other dead people before trying it on some people we knew that were alive. No one dead appeared, but when we tried it on the living, it was like we were with them, but we couldn't be seen. Italy is definitely still alive and he is currently traveling America. Can you sense him, America?"

All eyes turned to the young nation as he closed his eyes and thought for a moment. "No...I...wait...yes! He's there, but it's faint! He's in Montana! Italy's still alive!" He eyes flew open, sparkling and his grin stretched from ear to ear.

Romano suddenly stood and stared at the trio, "Take me to him, right now."

"Romano, it's simply not-" Norway began.

"No! If he still fucking alive, take me right now! I demand to see my little brother, damn it!"

"Please try to understand-" Romania began, but was cut off once again.

"I understand just fine! My little brother is still alive and I demand-!"

"Lovino Vargas!" a voice suddenly boomed, shocked eyes turning in Norway. "I suggest you hold your tongue for once in your life and listen to me closely, alright? Your brother is not your brother anymore, or at least he doesn't know he is. Your brother believes he is human and he has no connections to any of us anymore. He does not know you even exist, and if you randomly showed up, claiming to be his brother, that may raise some questions along with some phone calls to the police.

"Now, your brother obviously still has some reminisces of his nation status as America was able to accurately pinpoint in him the country, feeling that he is a nation, but he is completely unaware of being such. He should find out soon that he will not be aging and yes, I say we should get to him before the people around him realize, too, but it will not be as easy as waltzing up to him and telling him that he is an immortal personification of a nation. This will take planning over weeks, months, or even possibly two years at most. Please understand that we mustn't make any irrational decisions."

Anger was burning in Romano's eyes along with tears as he sat back down, glaring at the stoic country. "Well how the fuck do we get to him, huh?" he asked through gritted teeth. "How the fuck am I supposed to get back to him?"

"Well, through the run here and while England was recounting our little revelation, I have been forming a plan in my head." He took long strides to his chair and sat, glancing around the table as the other two also took their seats as well. "Alright, so here is my plan..." With that, he took a deep breath and began to speak.


	2. nostalgic dreams

Italy held his breath as he sat in the cramped box, practically trembling as he heard someone stomping around and murmuring to themselves. His joints ached from staying that way for such a long time, but he didn’t dare move now in fear that the person would hear him and hurt him.

The footsteps grew closer before they suddenly stopped and Italy could tell that they were very close to the box...very close to him. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and tried to calm himself down, worried that they could hear it. His hand was clamped against his mouth, trying to steady his sporadic breathing and quiet it down.

He was so focused on calming down, he somehow forgot the person outside the tomato box that he hid in and gave a small and frightened shriek as something made contact with the wood on top.

The voice outside also let out a noise of surprise and Italy began to scold himself in his head, _Oh great job, Feliciano, if they didn’t know anyone was in here at first, they definitely do now!_

Thinking quickly, he tried to cover up his little slip with a ridiculous ruse that he might not even believe on the worst of days. He just hoped that this person was even ditzier than himself! “Uh...Hello to you!” he squeaked, “I am the box of tomatoes fairy! I come in peace so let us be friends as play together!” His heart was pounding even faster than before, if that was even possible.

“No...I think there is someone inside here!” the deep voice snapped causing Italy to shrink back slightly. Who even this was, they were angry and loud; two of the worse combinations in his mind!

“No, no, no!” he wailed quickly, desperation leaking through his voice. “There’s no one inside, do not open the box!” He raised his hand above his head and pulled downward on the lid with all of his might. Just a few hours ago, he wanted the lid to open so he could get out, but now all he wanted was for the lid to be shut tight! This person probably wanted to kill him or take his land and make him his slave! It seemed that that was all anyone wanted with him for most of his life.

The person on the outside tugged harder that the lid, commenting on how heavy it was and grunting when speech become too difficult while doing this.

“Why are you ignoring me?” Italy yelped, tears of fear and exertion coming to his eyes. “What is the point in seeing my guts?”

Italy heard the wood cracking and began to panic even more, knowing that it wouldn’t hold up for much longer. As the top gave way and the person tumbled to the ground, words began spilling from the Italian’s mouth. “Ah, I’m so sorry; you were right!I’m not a box of tomatoes fairy at all, it was all lies! Lies! Please don’t shoot me, I’m too young to die and what if I don’t die and I’m just mortally wounded and forced to lie there in misery and a pool of my own blood? Please, I’ll do anything, well anything within reason! I DON’T WANT TO DIE!”

As he ran on and on, the man on the ground just stared up at him in shock, trying to comprehend exactly what he was seeing and hearing.

“I mean seriously, I’m a virgin! Where do you think they get Virgin Olive Oil from, huh? The point it you don’t want to shoot a virgin! We’re pathetic enough as it is! I apologize for lying, I’m really a good Italy, I swear…!”

“This...is the guy I’m supposed to be fighting?” the man on the ground asked himself, not that Italy could hear it though, he was much too busy crying and pleading for his life. “I heard it was a descendant of the great Rome; there’s no way this whiny brat could be the same enemy! Who is he really…?”

Standing up and before the crying and shouting Italian, he cleared his throat and spoke, worried for a moment that he wouldn’t be able to hear him over his loud crying. “Fine then, let me ask you a question. You wouldn't by any chance be related to the great Rome, would you?”

Italy immediately quieted down and a large smile blossomed onto his face. “Wait, you mean you know Grandpa Rome? What a fantastic turn of events! You had me completely fooled; I thought you were mean and scary! So we can be friends now, right? How fun to have a new friend- Augh!” He cried out as the butt of Germany’s gun was driven into his cheek.

“I will not be fooled, go to hell, you pasta loving trottle!” Italy laid sprawled on the ground sniffing and whining, but not making a move to run away.

////

Feliciano opened his eyes to the sunlight of late afternoon spreading along the ceiling and far wall of his room. He didn’t move for a moment, blinking away sleep and thinking of his dream.

He remembered reading somewhere that the brain wasn’t good at making up faces, especially when it wasn’t very active like when you were asleep. That meant that everyone you had ever dreamed of, you had to have seen somewhere at some point, but this was Feli’s problem. It was often he dreamed of the tall blond man, but he could never remember where he had seen him before. Surely if he dreamt of him so often, he would known him personally or at least exchanged a few “hello”s and “how are you”s at the market or on the street. He had to admit, he wasn’t the best when it came to memory and remembering people he had met briefly less than ten times, but he was sure that he would remember someone who looked so beautiful.

Sighing, he pushed himself up into a sitting position with a hands and groped around on his nightstand for his glasses. When he found them and slipped them on, he noticed the clock across the room read 7:56 PM.

He slipped out of bed and out of his room, towards the kitchen of his apartment where he living with one of his best friends. When he got to the room, his roommate was already there.

“Hey, Feli, have a nice nap?” Levi smiled at him, sliding a bowl of pasta across the table.

Feli didn’t say anything, but sluggishly picked up a fork and began shoveling the pasta into his mouth.

“Restless sleep, huh?”

Feli nodded silently.

“Was he there again?” Levi asked after a small pause.

“I just can’t remember where I’ve met him before and I can’t even place a name to his face! Everytime I wake up, his beautiful face is blurry and I somehow feel that I know him, and I know I must know him from somewhere, but he feels important to me somehow! He feels important to me in the way you do, or maybe something more like we have an even stronger connection! I just...I wish I knew who he was and how I could find him,” he ranted, playing with the rest of the pasta in his bowl.

Levi was silent and considered for a moment, pushing his own pasta around as well. “Have you ever...no, never mind, that’s stupid.”

“What?”

“No, it’s nothing really, just random thoughts that probably don’t make sense.”

“No, please tell me! I need to know!”

“Ok, ok, calm down, just… How you ever wondered if you had had a past life?”

Feli was taken aback by the statement. “What do you mean?”

“Like you were someone else and that someone else knew that man. Like you said a while ago, everything about him and the world around seems pretty outdated, right? Technologies from before you were born? I remember you even said at one time that you saw a car from the 1940’s or something like that.”

Feliciano considered for a moment before a look of confusion crossed his face. “But...what about me? When I’m there, I look like me, now. I don’t look like anyone else and I still have the same curl, too.” To emphasize his point, he pointed up to the stray curl on the side of his head.

“Well...maybe you were someone in your family reincarnated into the same bloodline?”

Feli sighed and placed his chin on his palms. “I wish we had a way to test that, but I don’t even know my family. I was orphaned and found alone when I was a baby, remember?”

“What if you looked up ‘Vargas’ online or something? But, at least, you should try meditation or ways to get in touch with your past lives. I’m sure you can find a way to find out if you look it up,” Levi offered.Nodding and placing his bowl in the sink, Feli looked over at Levi, “I might have to try that…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaa feli is vaguely ooc;; i'll try to work on that


	3. three unexpected guests

“Are you three ready?” Norway asked the three countries, Germany, Japan, and South Italy, who were sitting on the floor of the dark room. Candles were the only light in the room, casting shadows on every wall, ceiling, and floor. A glass of dark liquid sat in front of each of the participants as they fidgeted nervously in their spots. Twenty-one long years they had gone without seeing one of the most important people to them and now here they were only minutes from seeing him again. It was almost too overwhelming, but it had to be done in order to find him. None of them showed how they truly felt, only determination showing on their face.

Butterflies erupted in Romano’s stomach as that question was asked. Feliciano, North Italy, Veneziano, _his little brother_ , he was only just a moment away. He curled his hands into fists on his knees to keep them from shaking. A headache was building and he heard his pulse faintly in his ear. He set a hard look on his face before answering, trying to appear more tough than he felt in this moment. “Of course,” he answered quickly.

To keep calm, Japan was taking four second breaths. In through the nose, one...two...three...four, out through the mouth, one...two...three...four. He stared forward, trying not to look at anyone or the glass in front of him in fear that he would let something slip. His loud and clingy companion was all that he could think about and he almost forgot to answer, “ _Hai._ ”

Germany was entirely still, one would think he might have been dead, except for his slow breathing and the fact that he was still sitting up. His hands, much like Romano’s were curled into fist, except it wasn’t that they were shaking. He had them curled because of his anticipation and adrenaline already shooting through his veins. He was afraid that if he couldn’t keep his control that he would leap forward and down the whole glass of thick, dark liquid in less than a second. He didn’t speak, only offered a slight nod that it was amazing that Norway was able to pick up in the dark.

“Alright then, I need you all to do exactly as I say and listen to me very carefully,” Norway began before taking a seat in front of the three. “Now, when you get there, there are some things I must address for you. You will be entirely invisible to everyone, including North Italy. The only people who will be able to see you are each other. You will also be unable to pick up solid objects, so in a way you will be like fictional ghosts. Do not be alarmed if someone walks through you, do you understand so far?”

The three nodded, showing their comprehension.

“Right, next off, know that your physical forms will be left behind in this room and your souls will be departing your bodies. This is very risky and if you do not figure out a way to pull yourselves out in less than ten minutes, I will be forced to do it myself, so please, understand, you have very limited time.

“Along with that, it will not be guaranteed that you will find Italy immediately and you will have to do some looking. Find him quickly so you have time to observe him and try to observe his surroundings as well. Listen to what he and the people around him say about where he is. This will help narrow down places that he could possibly be.” He paused and took in the three’s reactions to what he said. None of them seemed particularly shocked so he continued, gesturing to the glasses in front of him.

“Now, listen very carefully so you do not hurt yourselves, alright? When you drink this, you will immediately become light headed but I need you to stay entirely still and in a sitting position. This way, it will be easier for your soul to reenter your body. Now please pick up your drinks.”

The three did as they were told, holding them tightly as if they were their life lines. “Good luck,” was all Norway said now, nodding for them to take a drink. They three placed the glasses to their lips and drank the entire thing as quick as they could.

Romano felt like he was going to vomit as the glass almost slipped from his fingers as he set it down. He wasn’t the only one experiencing difficulty in staying up right, though. The other two looked just as bad, swaying and their eyes drooping. He vaguely heard Norway telling them to stay sitting, but it sounded like he had cotton in his ears. He clenched his fists on his knees once more to keep control of his own body before he was gone.

Romano opened his eyes and he stood alone on a patio in back of a small house. Fields surrounded everything as far as his eyes could see, which wasn’t much, admittedly. The moonlight only revealed so much and he still felt too dizzy to focus on anything right. The first thing that broke through the fog in his mind was a laugh coming from around the corner of the house. He followed it, stumbling drunkenly and saw numerous people sitting on couches and chairs around a bonfire, music pumping loudly from a boombox sitting on a nearby picnic table.

Scanning the faces around the fire, he was disappointed to find that none of them were his brother. Two figures appeared next to him and Germany and Japan came into focus, barely illuminated by the dim fire.

“Do you see him anywhere?” Japan asked in a soft voice, pressing a hand to his pounding forehead.

“Maybe he’s inside the house?” Germany suggested before leading the way away from the bonfire and back onto the patio Romano had originally found himself on. Germany reached for the gold knob on the glass door before his hand went right through causing him to recoil in shock.

Romano made a ‘tch’ noise before pushing him out of the way an easily gliding through the closed door almost as if he had done it before. The other two countries exchanged a look of confusion before stepping through the door after Romano.

After they stepped inside, the three heard a soft tune being played on the piano in the other room and they moved slowly to follow it. The room they stepped into was entirely empty except for a figure sitting in front of the piano, playing and humming along, barely audibly. The four paused, staring wide-eyed at the pianist once they saw the rebel curl protruding off the side of his head.

 _Feli_ they all thought at once, struggling to refrain themselves from running over and hugging the living daylights out of him, even Japan.

A sad look settled on Romano’s face as he let out a sigh, staring at his brother play the piano so beautifully and blissfully as if he was alone.

Suddenly, Feli hit a wrong note and faltered for a moment before he continued to play. The three moved to stand next to the piano in order to see the Italian’s face. They all had to take deep breaths to avoid hyperventilating when they saw him.

Feliciano looked so blissful, his eyes shut gently as his fingers found the notes effortlessly. Of course, his eyes were often closed, but this way different. They looked just barely so, his long eyelashes making him look so young and vulnerable. His round cheeks were dusted pink and a soft smile graced his soft lips. He looked exactly how he had left them, but even healthier and softer.

In the weeks leading up to his “death” he had dark circles under his eyes that he struggled to cover up with make-up and the color in his cheeks had been fading until they were as pale as the Nordics’. His lips had been thin and colorless as well, cracking if he didn’t put something on every few hours. He had seemed to be getting better somehow in the last week and then suddenly there was something terribly wrong…

The three struggled to push how he used to look out of their minds and focused on how he was now. He was beautiful and youthful once more, not a blemish on his face or something to suggest that he had anything wrong with him. That was until he suddenly jerked back and coughed violently into the crook of his elbow.

“Feli!” Germany couldn’t help but shout as his friend’s body was wracked with coughs. Romano, too had made a noise of surprise and concern, but Feli didn’t take notice. He reached into his pocket and lifted something to his mouth, breathing deeply to steady his cough fit. The three soon realized with a bitter feeling that it was an inhaler. Their perfect Feli wasn’t as perfect as they had thought. He was still ill and it broke their hearts to acknowledge it.

He pulled the inhaler away from his mouth, his eyes closed tightly and breathing deeply, trying to steady his erratically beating heart. He then spoke, seemingly addressing the three in the room, surprising them. His voice was soft and sweet and you would hardly be able to tell that he just had a vicious coughing fit.

“I’m okay, don’t worry.” He then looked up at them, amber eyes shining brightly before he blinked, looking at them, clearly very surprised. “It’s…,” he paused, trying to find the right words to go along with how he felt. “How are you...here?” He kept his eyes open, staring at them, hardly blinking as he struggled to take in their appearances.

“What do you mean?” Japan asked, the first to snap out of his shock of Italy speaking to them.

“You...this is right now, right here. You can’t…,” he continued to trip and struggle with what he was saying, trying to express everything in a single sentence, but his thoughts kept jumping around from one thing to another so he couldn’t form exactly what he wanted to say.

“What?” Germany then asked. “What exactly do you mean, ‘right here, right now?’”

Italy looked down at the ground, collecting his thoughts and trying to form what he wanted to ask before he settled on one thing to say. He looked up and fixed his eyes on Germany before speaking. “I’ve only seen you in my dreams...my dreams of the past. Dreams of times before I was born. This is impossible how can...how can…?” he drifted off once more.

Romano opened his mouth to speak, but Japan beat him to it, surprising them all. “We’re your friends!” he said.

“Huh?” Italy blinked.

“Kiku!” Germany cried.

“You’re a country like us and we knew you in the past and then you disappeared and we found you!”

“A...country? What do you mean? How do I know you?”

“Kiku, stop talking!”

“We’re your best friends from before and we are all personifications and we were trying to find you!” Japan continued to spill. Before anyone could speak again, the three intruders suddenly became lightheaded. “Quick, where do you live?” Japan asked urgently.

Feli blinked and tried to get over his surprise before telling them an address and that he lived in San Francisco, California and then, all of a sudden the three were gone. He was left standing all alone in the middle of the room, staring at the spot they had been.

“Yo, Feli, were you talking to someone?” He looked over to see Levi leaning in the now open doorway before returning his gaze to where the three “countries” had stood once more.

“No...no one at all. Hey, Levi?”

“Hm?”

“Have you ever heard of a personification of a country?” he asked, distractedly.

“A personification of a country?”

“Yeah, like they are a person but they also represent a country?”

“That’s so weird you would bring that up, honestly,” Levi chuckled.

“Why?” Feli asked, finally looking over to the man leaning in the doorway.

“Well, you know how my Grandma’s family used to live in England when she was younger?”

“Yeah, I think you’ve mentioned it.”

“Well, her mom used to say something about vaguely remembering that there were country personifications at one point, but they had to ‘go into hiding’ or something like that and then suddenly one day no one remembered them. She had said she had met one of them one day, England, himself, when she had gotten lost at a very young age. The day when no one remembered them anymore was when she was around eight or nine so when she brought it up, everyone thought it was just a little kid’s active imagination.”

As soon as he stopped talking, Feli jumped in. “Do you believe her? That there are personifications?”

“What’s got you so interested all of a sudden?”

“Just...I want your opinion on it.”

Levi nodded before thinking. “Well...I guess it does seem a little far fetched, doesn’t it? Immortal people who exist just because a country does? They can’t really exist; I think my Great Grandma was just a child with a very overactive imagination so she imagined that they existed.”

“Right, of course. There’s no way they could exist…,” he trailed off, looking at his feet.

////

Across the world in England, the three blinked awake and Japan immediately struggled to his feet and grabbed a pen and paper from the table in the corner, writing down Feli’s address as fast as he could.

“What are you-?” Norway began before Japan held out the paper.

“This is Feli’s address.”

Norway nodded in surprise. “I am impressed that you got this. Now-” he was cut off another time, this time but Romano.

“He could see us."

“Excuse me?”

“Veneziano. He could see us when no one else can. He saw us and spoke to us and recognized us from somewhere. How the hell is that even possible?”

Norway thought for a moment before nodding. “Well, I’m not sure exactly why, but I have a theory.”


	4. little boy dressed in black

The wind rustled in the olive tree branches above Chibitalia as he sat with his back against the tree. He was just far enough from Mr. Austria’s house that no one would think to find him there and that is what he wanted, at least in this brief moment. He just wanted to be alone in that moment and it was actually almost perfect timing, as well. He wasn’t wanted back at the mansion right now since Mr. Austria had guests over and he hadn’t wanted a child running around. Or Italy to mess things up for that matter. Not wanting a child at home right now didn’t make much sense to Italy anyway, though, because Holy Rome was allowed to stay, but he hadn’t though much into it. He just needed time to think for a little while, although he did feel a bit upset.

He wished Mr. Austria liked him more, it seemed like he didn’t even want him around most of the time. Sometimes, Italy wondered why he didn’t just hand him over to Spain or France like they were always begging. He had wondered, yes, but deep down, he hoped he wouldn’t because Austria was the closest thing to a parental figure that he had after Rome. He didn’t know if he could even see someone like those two as someone to take care of him. And anyway, if he went to Spain, he knew it would only upset his brother. Whenever he did see Romano, he felt more distant than ever, and he worried that if he went to live with him, it would only make things worse.

Italy picked at the grass below him, staring at the rolling fields that spread for miles in front of him, lost in thought. He wondered how long Austria’s guests would stay. He vaguely recalled mention of a party and if that was the case, Italy would have to stay in the olive field passed dark before he could sneak back into the mansion. He shuddered at the thought of being out here after dark, afraid of the animals that might come out at night. He had also never been very good at sneaking unless it was a moment when he truly wanted to be alone, like when he would sneak off to the olive field.

He did that quite often these days, but he also just liked it because it was nice outside, at least until winter hit. Then he'd have to find a new place to hide in the mansion or some dense woods to hide in that no one would see him through the naked trees. Going outside would be difficult because Austria rarely bought him new clothes, just a winter coat maybe every few years. Italy felt another harsh stab of rejection just thinking about it, but quickly pushed the thought away before the tears could reach him.

Next he thought about Holy Rome. What was he thinking right now, in the mansion with Austria’s guests? Was he in the meeting with them? Was he going to hang around with the adults during the party? Or would he have been told to go to his room while the adults handled things? Whatever he’s doing, I hope he’s having fun, Italy thought, just before he was broken out of his mind.

“Italy?” a voice called. “Italy, are you out here?” Holy Rome was calling him, most likely just below the top of the hill, overlooking the olive field. Shuffling as quickly and as quietly as he could, Italy moved so the tree would be completely hiding his from the crest of the hill. Even now, he didn’t quite want Holy Rome to be with him. It wasn’t that he was upset or anything, it was just that the olive fields had always been his thinking place where no one knew to find him. This was the place where he could only truly be alone.

“Italy, please,” Holy Rome called once more, his voice closer now. Italy almost panicked, knowing that there was no way that Holy Rome could pass by without seeing him. Finally, he relaxed and gave up, sitting still, and waiting for the other to reach him. “Ah, Italy, there you are,” he spoke with a ghost of a smile, only frowning when it was not returned. “Hey...are you alright?”

“Huh? Oh, si! Everything is fine, I was just thinking!” Italy half-lied, returning a bright smile. “How did you know I was out here?”

Oh, uh…” A soft pink coloring rose to his cheeks, “I’ve seen you looking out the window at this field a lot,” he confessed. “Er, may I sit?”

“Yeah,” Italy replied softly, scooting over a bit and offering a spot in the shade next to him.

Gratefully, he sat and was immediately relieved to be in the cool cover of the tree. All black clothing in the warm months were not the best idea.

“So, why are you out here?” Italy asked before the realization of what he said caught up with him. “Ah, I mean, not that I don’t enjoy your company! I was just wondering why when you were allowed to stay when I had to leave and now you're out here! I would have thought it would have been fun to be with the adults; it would have meant you were important!” He tried to ignore that he just accidently called himself unimportant.

“Yes, I was allowed to stay, but...apparently it must have been very serious. I mean what they were going to talk about so they sent me out.”

“Really?” Italy blinked. “Do you know what they were talking about?”

“Well, if you didn’t know, it was France who came over and they…,” he paused, wishing that he hadn’t said anything. He really didn’t want to upset Italy by saying the rest of this, but if he didn’t fully understand it, then would Italy? “There’s been talk recently of war, and I think France came over to discuss somethings and try to stop it.”

“A war? Between who?” Italy gaped in horror. He didn’t want to lose anyone else to fighting!

“Well, I’m not sure, but France, obviously, and maybe Mr. Austria? I mean, who else would he come all this way for?”

“But...Big brother France wouldn’t go after Austria, would he? He knows I live here and Austria looks after me!”

“Maybe he wants to fight for you,” Holy Rome shrugged, a frown setting into his features. “Wouldn’t really be the first time,” he added under his breath and glancing away. He pulled a few clumps of grass out of the ground to avoid looking at Italy. He was worried he might say something stupid.

Instead of responding, Italy let out a soft sigh and glanced back at the massive field spreading out before them once more. There wasn’t much he could do at this point, France would end up fighting anyway, and he was much too small and young to try to convince them not to fight. Not for the first, nor the last time in his life, Italy felt ridiculously useless.

A terrible thought then struck him in that moment. What if France was going to fight for the Holy Roman Empire and some of the land? If so, it wouldn’t be Austria going off to war, it would be Holy Rome. This was exactly what he was worried about and why he didn’t want to join the Empire. He worried that all of his work to stay away from Holy Rome and refuse his offers would go to waste and he would have to leave anyway. Quickly, he turned to Holy Rome and made him look at him.

“Holy Rome, please promise to never leave!”

“What?” he blinked.

“Just, promise, please! Just...don’t go away, Holy Rome, don’t ever go to war! Promise me,” he said softly with tears glistening in his eyes.

Numbly, the blond nodded. “Of course; I won’t leave you and I’ll stay here and Mr. Austria’s house with you. And then, when we’re older, we’ll be able to protect each other from people like France and when can go home to our own homes, I promise.”

A grin sparked across Italy’s face and the tears cleared up. “It’s a deal! Together forever!”

////

“Mr. Vargas, wake up!” Feliciano jumped in his seat, his head rising quickly off the desk as he looked around, trying to remember his surroundings after being shaken from his dream. “Mr. Vargas?” He looked over to his left to see one of his professors standing before him, looking slightly disapproving. He then remembered that he had been in the middle of class when he just couldn’t stay awake any longer and fell asleep. He had stayed up all night, thinking of the three men that came to visit him, although it had been days ago.

“Mr. Vargas,” she began, crossing her arms, “You fell asleep in the middle of class so you better hope than someone got the notes for you.”

“Right! I’m sorry!” he cried, rising to his feet and grabbing his bag. “It won’t happen again!” With that, he hurried to the door and out into the hallway that would take him outside. As he walked, he couldn’t help but shake the bitter feelings that came from his dream. He remembered the boy he was with, Holy Rome he had been called, had promised not to leave him, but Feli couldn’t help but feel that he somehow would. Or...did? They were both young in his dream, so they boy must have left him already, at least if he were real.

As Feli climbed into his car and turned it on, he noticed that his vision blurred slightly, but when reached up to wipe his eyes, his hand came away wet. Was he...crying? He couldn’t help it when more tears bubbled up in his eyes and fell down his cheeks and he tried as hard as he could but he couldn’t get them to stop. In the end, he just laid his forehead on the steering wheel and let himself be sad for an unknown reason. It took him nearly ten minutes to calm down enough for when he could see so he could drive.


	5. ethereal garden; elegant man

Feliciano sat down on the wooden floor of his bedroom, looking around to see if everythings was in place and ready for him to begin. He had finally decided to heed his roommate’s advice and try meditation to uncover the “past life,” especially after the dream he had had the other day in class and after the suspicious and unexplainable visit of the three men he had seen in more than one of his dreams.

Feli was too afraid to speak to Levi about the apparitions of the men in the piano room, afraid that he would find him crazy, and instead decided to look into a psychic. The problem with that is that all the psychics he could find numbers or websites or secluded places around the city for all charged much too much for him. He was a college student and had just spent most of his money on a plane ticket to Spain over the upcoming holidays so there would be no way he could waste money on something that might be too vague to understand or completely off entirely.

Instead, he looked up tips for meditation and uncovering past lives online and even asked a few people who ran blogs about this type of stuff. What he found seemed useful enough, he just hoped that it would work. Something that this thing required was sitting still and not thinking at all, two things that Feliciano was no good at.

Okay, he thought as he laid down, the light of the candles dancing on the ceiling providing the only light in the room. He gulped, suddenly feeling so vulnerable in this state in the dark, trying to ignore the growing thoughts of monsters and demons erupting out of the shadows to get him. Forcing his muscles to relax, he thought of being in a room neverending with nothing. It took a few minutes, but he felt completely calm, like he should have been asleep but he wouldn’t. That was what he told meditation was meant to feel like so he assumed he was doing just fine. Catching himself thinking, he forced himself to stop and relaxed further.

Next, he was supposed to image that he was in a hallway with many doors. If nothing was coming to mind, he was supposed to look down at his feet to see what type of shoes he was wearing.

A hallway manifested in his mind and he couldn’t help but gawk at what a wonderful place he had imagined. He seemed to be in an old abandoned castle with the walls and high ceiling painted in a way that seemed sort of the stained glass. As he made his way to the end, he marveled at the massive round room. Doors leaning in many different directions were placed around the room and he trying to figure out which door to choose. Finally, he decided to walk forward the the largest door in the room and he couldn’t help but stare.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he turned his face towards his feet before opening his eyes. Feli jumped and was stuck with amazement as he saw shoes on his feet that he had never seen before. They were tall, brown boots that laced up to mid calf, the same boots he had remembered failing to tie in one of his dreams. He ended up calling for help of the blond man from the piano room who sighed and chided him before “teaching” him to tie his own shoes, except Feli had forgotten almost immediately after.

A smile drifted onto his face at the thought of it, almost like it was a fond memory of his. It only occurred to him a moment later that it might end up being a memory he had had at some point.

Bracing himself, he placed a hand on the golden handle of the door in front of him and twisted. The moment he stepped through, he was hit with a rush of warm air and the sound of birds. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw that he stood somewhere that resembled a beautiful garden. In front of him was an elegant gray fountain with a path snaking around, flowers lining the whole way.

When he turned to see if the path continued on behind him, the door had vanished and he was left all alone. Glancing for anything that might be a clue, he found nothing, so he continued down the path, away from the fountain. He passed mazes and saw a palace type building in the distance, but instead of heading towards it, he turned to his right and continued down the path that branched down that way.

He had changed direction because of the sweet song of a piano being played.

When he reached the source of the music, he halted in wonder and staring in awe.

A man sat at a sleek, black grand piano in the middle of the garden, his long fingers gliding effortlessly across the keys, his eyes closed elegantly in an almost ethereal way. Feli felt a strange pull at his heart was he watched, almost like he did whenever he heard soft classical music played in otherwise silence. A name formed on Feli’s lips and he couldn’t help but whisper it out, “Mr. Austria.”

The piano song came to an end all too soon and an exuberant grin came to Feli’s face as he began to clap enthusiastically. The man’s eyes snapped open and the expression on his face was one Feli had never quite seen before. He immediately misread it as a negative expression and ceased his clapping and looked guilty.

“Er, sorry! Please, don’t mind me! Your music, it just...it’s the most amazing things I’ve ever heard.”

The man stood and strode toward Feli, making his nervous once more. Everything this man did was elegant and Feli felt the overwhelming desire to impress him and get him to like him. He stood just before the Italian, taking in all of his features and standing above him by a few inches.

Slowly, his hand reached out and cupped Feli’s cheek and tears glistened in his eyes, something you would never see from someone so magnificent. Even with the tears, he looked beautiful. The next word out of his mouth shocked Feli more than the tears. “Feliciano,” he whispered quietly in such as way that if anyone else had been around, they wouldn’t have been able to heard his soft voice.

Feli might not have been the best at reading the atmosphere or people’s voice tones, but he could identify that whoever this man was, he was extremely important to him and the longing in his voice shined through.

“I...Mr. Austria,” was all he could think of to say.

He then found himself tightly engulfed in the tallers man’s arms, surprising him completely, but the hug wasn’t unwelcome in anyway. “Feliciano...oh Feliciano… I never thought I would see you again, and I know,” he paused. “I know that I was never the best at taking care of you so long ago and I snapped at you rather often, but I do care for you, as do the rest of us. We...Feli, please, where are you living now?”

He knew he should be sceptical of this man, but he felt like he had already known him for forever and a day. He suddenly remembered the dreams where Mr. Austria and the three men who had visited him had been all together and seemed to know each other very well.

“But...what about the other three? I gave them my address, shouldn’t they know?” Feli mumbled in Austria’s shoulder.

“Yes, but...Kiku must have misheard the address and they came to a place that was entirely different than the one you must have given. He felt so horribly afterwards; it was pitiful to see himself beat himself up about it. He was one of your best friends, so it was no wonder he was so upset.”

Kiku… Feli tested out the name in his mind. It fit the short Japanese man so perfectly.

He racked his mind for an address, but nothing came to mind. It must have done with the fact that he was currently in a dream-like state.

“I’m sorry, but...I can’t remember my address. I can’t,” he paused, unsure if he should share this information. “I can’t even remember you.”

Austria pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes, a sad and knowing look in them. The tears were barely visible anymore. “Yes; Lukas, Arthur, and Vladimir had all even said that it was extremely unlikely that you would recognize us anymore. You couldn’t even recognize Lovino nor Ludwig, so there would be no way you could remember me,” he said sadly.

Feli felt horrible, feeling like it was his fault to see such an ornate man such as this looking so down. All he could think to saw was a quiet apology.

“No, no, don’t ever begin to believe that this was your fault. It’s not your fault that Venice was going under; the only thing you need to blame yourself for is that you didn’t let on to how you were feeling.”

Feli was silent, waiting for him to elaborate.

“If you were hurting so much, you should have talked to someone about it, or gone to someone for help. It was inevitable that you would have to leave us and each and everyone of us knew it was coming eventually, but…,” he stopped to swallow the tears and semi-bitterness of what he was saying before continuing. “You never even seemed to slow down. The only thing to let onto your departure was that you seemed to get more tired and thinner as the weeks grew longer. You... _damn it, Feli_ , you didn’t even cough or anything like that around us!”

The Italian was taken aback at the sudden outburst and although he had no clue what the other was talking about, he felt extremely guilty. He opened his mouth to apologize again before realizing he had just been told not to.

Instead, he nodded and took a step away from the taller man. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but...I think I did whatever I did to protect you all. I never wanted to hurt you, Mr. Austria, or anyone…”

Austria jumped a bit at the name before softening up and sighing. “I know, I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just cared about you as did everyone else. And, Feli, please remember…” His next words fizzled out and then Feli was on the floor in his room, Levi knocking on his door. He concluded that it had been that that had pulled him for the meditation and he only felt slight resentment for a moment.

“Feli, you up?”

He stood and opened the door. “Uh, _si_! What is it?”

“So, you know how our flight to Spain was going to be December 25th?”

“Yes, I remember! I’m so excited!”

“Uh...well, actually the flight was moved up because they had to fit more people in on that day, it being Christmas and all that. I was moved up to the 17th.”

“Woah, really?” Feli squeaked. Nearly 10 days early and they would be staying in Spain until January 3rd! He wasn’t sure if that was a good idea or not.

Halfway across the world, at nearly 5am in Austria, Roderich Edlestien opened his eyes and quickly sat up (and he definitely was not one to do things quick). There was no way that that “dream” had just been a dream so he leaned over to his bedside table and lifted up the receiver of the clunky home phone to his ear, quickly dialing a number with his other hand. The phone rang nearly six times and he worried that one one would pick up, but he was relieved when it did.

“Roderich, do you have any idea what time-?” Arthur began before being cut off.

“I saw Feliciano.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i actually wrote this chapter and the next one around december/november but i didnt post them here until now im so sorry if u dont like reading abt christmas out of season!


	6. little italy of the north

It was raining when the plane touched down in Barcelona. For a relatively sunny city as Feli had remembered (even though he had only been there once), he was surprised to see the drizzle. From what he had heard, it was always a sunny city, but in winter, while it was not freezing it was chilly. He would have to prepare himself for the chilly rain when he got out of the airport.

He stared out the window at the twinkling lights of the city as they flickered on to combat the darkness the rain brought. He made a face at the rain outside the window as he realized that neither he or Levi had brought an umbrella, planning for shine until January. He had to admit though, it was quite pretty in the rain and even if it were slightly damp, he couldn’t wait to see the Christmas market. He had heard so many things about it and would love to see it with Levi.

Levi himself was sleeping in the seat next to him, light breaths escaping from his mouth, when Feli had to admit was pretty cute. He had his headphones stuffed into his ears and Feli hoped that he would be able to wake him and get him to the hotel before he fell asleep again.

Due to Levi refusing to wake up and with numerous awkward glances from the air hosts and hostesses, the two were the last ones off the plane. Feli murmured numerous apologies on his way out, hoping that the staff weren’t angry with them. So close to Christmas, they were all probably very tired and homesick.

After getting inside the airport, Feli quickly purchased an umbrella which Levi rolled his eyes at. They probably wouldn’t need it for the rest of the trip, he had no reason to get it. They would grab a taxi, get to their hotel, and then in would stop drizzling. It wasn’t like they were going to walk everywhere on this whole trip and it wasn’t like it would be raining most of the time anyway.

////

December 24

Feliciano picked up his pace, the bags in his arms swinging. He was excited to get back to the hotel and wrap Levi’s gift; he was sure to love it! He had bought him a few new video games for his Xbox. Sure he couldn’t play them until they got home by New Years, but he was happy to know that his best friend would love them. He had been going on and on about these games for weeks now, always saying how he wanted them, but never had enough money, so Feli saved up for them. He could only imagine the look on Levi’s face once he opened them in the morning!

In his imagining, he had forgotten to look where he was going and bumped into someone, causing the boxes they were holding to scatter on the sidewalk. Feli hoped that there was nothing fragile in them that could have broken as he stooped down to help collect them. This stranger was probably very upset with him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he cried repeatedly as he helped gather the boxes. “I wasn’t looking where I was going and it’s my fault! I hope there was nothing breakable in these!” he continued to ramble until the stranger in front of him chuckled.

“No, no, you’re fine!” a man with a Spanish accent said. “There wasn’t anything breakable in them, it’ll all be fine, I promise!”

Once all the boxes were picked up, the two stood and Feli transferred his stack into the Spaniard’s arms.

“Again, I am so, so sorry!” he said as he brushed the hair out of his eyes. He froze a moment when he took a good look at the man though. Not only was he very pretty with his kind green eyes and light brown, sweeping hair, but he looked vaguely familiar. Like someone he had met in a dream once, and for Feli that wasn’t impossible. He was always getting dreams of people he had never before seen in his life, talking to him like they had known him forever.

“Like I said, it’s fine! No harm done; thank you for helping me pick them up...though…” He trailed off when he finally looked up and his eyes met Feli’s own golden ones. He seemed to stop breathing for a moment as he looked over Feli’s appearance. The two searched each other’s eyes and something flickered in the taller man’s eyes. That was just before they began to tear up and his lip began to quiver.

Feliciano blinked, staring at the man who looked like he was only seconds from breaking into tears. Why was he crying? What should he do? How do you even comfort a stranger than was crying? Feli stuttered out something that really didn’t make any sense as he tried to understand why this man was about to cry. Was he upset at Feli? What was even happening?

“H-hey!” he stuttered, trying to break his own trance. “Don’t cry, erm, I’m really sorry again! I’ll buy you a cup of coffee to make up for it!” He turned to sprint down the street in search for a coffee shop when he paused and turned back around. “Do you even like coffee? How about...tea? Beer? Hot chocolate? Wait, would they even be selling in anywhere in this weather?” he rambled, saying the last sentence to himself. He was desperately trying to find a way to calm this strange man down, but failing rather miserably. The green eyed man was sniffing now with a few tears slipping down his cheeks while passersbys sent strange and/or worried glances at the pair. Feliciano could only image what was going on in their heads as they watched this scene unfold.

“Oh no, I have no idea what to do!” he panicked to himself, tugging at loose strands of hair.

The Spanish man shifted the boxes in his arms and wiped his eyes, forcing a laugh that Feli could tell was rather melancholy. “I’m so sorry,” he laughed. “I was being foolish and I guess I would feel a little freaked out if some... _stranger_ started to cry in front of me in the middle of the street as well.”

Feliciano noticed how his voice cracked slightly on the word ‘stranger’ and it looked like it pained him to push the word out of his mouth.

“I wasn’t freaked out, I was just nervous because I didn’t know what I did wrong or how to help!” he giggled.

The other man smiled, a quick rush of air exiting his nose, signalling a kind of half-hearted laugh. “Well...I-I must go now,” he said awkwardly.

“Oh, yeah, of course! Tomorrow is Christmas so I assume you must be busy! Merry Christmas!” Feli smiled as he brushed passed the man.

“See you later and Merry Christmas, _pequeño Italia del Norte_ ,” he said before turning to go his own way.

Feliciano immediately paused, hearing the phrase slip passed the Spaniards lips. _Pequeño Italia del Norte._

In his mind, a scene flashed and he was no more than 8 years old. A man was stooped down his front of him wearing clothes from the 18th century, a soft smile on his face. His firm hand was resting on top of Feliciano’s head, ruffling his hair affectionately, carefully avoiding the hair curl on the side of his head. 

“Do you have to leave?” Feli asked tearfully, talking the man's hand from his head and holding it in his own two.

He chuckled before nodding, “‘Fraid so. Romano is already in the carriage and will be upset if I don’t get back to him soon.”

“Ok...but don’t forget to come back soon and bring your guitar and Romano!”

“Will do, I promise! Well, until then, goodbye, _pequeño Italia del Norte_!” he stood and walked to the carriage waiting at the end of the long drive. He saw his brother peeking out of the window and giving him a semi-dirty look. Feliciano bowed his head and looked away nervously. He hoped that Romano didn’t think he was trying to steal Spain from him.

In the present, Feliciano turned and hurried forward, catching the Spaniard’s arm as he tried to leave. He turned, extremely surprised, especially when he saw the look of determination on Feliciano’s face.

“What did you just call me?”

“Huh?”

“Right then, after you said goodbye, you called me _pequeño Italia del Norte_.”

He suddenly looked nervous, yet hopeful at the same time. “Eh..yes, I did...”

“You…” Feliciano trailed off, thinking of the right way to say this. “You used to call me that, all those years ago…” His eyes searched the other’s trying to find an answer to this mystery.

“Wh-what are you talking about?” he laughed nervously. He way he wasn’t looking Feli in the eye and how he eyes never stayed looking at one thing for long meant he knew exactly what he was talking about.

“No! Please, you have to explain, I dont...I cant…” He kept tripping over his words, trying to explain everything that he was unable to. He didn’t understand and he had no idea what he didn’t understand. He wasn’t sure what he even wanted this Spanish man to explain, but he knew that there had to be one...there just had to! Nothing was making sense, the dreams with him in them, the affectionate phrase, this man knowing him since he was younger, the fact that this man hadn’t aged since then, the old clothes, and that Feli had been wearing them, too. This had to be so much bigger than the flimsy “past life” explanation. There was more going on, but Feli couldn’t even begin to comprehend what that more might be.

The Spaniard was stopped in his tracks, captivated by the pleading and panicked look in the Italian’s eyes. It felt like it was only the two of them in the world, a world where nothing was real and nothing that was happening made any sense.

“I don’t understand,” he whispered, still clutching the other man’s arm. “I saw you...and me, but I was eight years old and you were you and I asked you to come back and play guitar for me and to bring...to bring...someone with you, oh god, I just don’t remember who…” The name he had just heard in his head was already escaping him and he desperately tried to recall dreams he had had with this man in them. _Come on, Feliciano think, think, think!_ He had to remember before this man got too freaked out and ran and called the police on him, but for some reason, he felt like that wouldn’t be that case. He felt like he could trust this man and that he wouldn’t harm him or send the police on him. But he could surely think he was crazy if he didn’t start explaining himself in more detail!

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I must go before I’m late; it is Christmas Eve and my friends will be worrying about me,” the Spaniard said nervously, pulling his arm out of Feli’s vise-like grip. His words fell on deaf ears and he could see Feli straining to think of something, anything! In that moment, he worried about the Italian ever remembering if it caused him so much pain and trouble. Maybe it would all be too much. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I need to leave...I’ll...I’ll…” He wanted to add “see you later” but he knew he couldn’t so he let his sentence drop and turned, carrying on in the direction he needed to go, heaving the boxes in his arms for a better grip.

He was leaving! Feli needed to think of something fast, something, anything!

“ _Antonio_!” he cried after him, unsure even himself how that name had come to mind.

The Spaniard stopped, barely turning him head. He didn’t trust himself to look at Feliciano’s desperate and distraught face. “What?” he asked so quietly Feli almost didn’t catch it.

“Antonio…Toni, that’s...that’s your name, right?” he replied with less certainty than he did when he called out the name the first time. The man didn’t reply, but he didn’t dare move from his spot, his entire body tense in a way it wasn’t before.

“Toni…,” Feli pleaded, “Please explain...why do I know your name? Why do I feel like I know you even though I’ve never seen you before in my life…”

Antonio didn’t say anything, but he started turning to look as Feli before he abruptly stopped and tore off in the opposite direction.

“Antonio!” Feli cried after him, dropping the bag he was holding on accident and sprinting after the Spaniard. He pushed people out of his way, muttering hushed and frantic apologizes, while never taking his eyes off of the retreating figure. The people far in front of him walking around obscured his view from Antonio and he began to panic. He didn’t even notice that he was running through unfamiliar streets and through many twists and turns. He even sprinted across a road which light had just turned green, nearly getting run over but numerous cars.

He only stopped when he could no longer see the Spanish man and when he had been running for three minutes straight. He cupped his hands around his mouth and began to shout, “Antonio!” There was no answer except for the passersby who gave him weird looks. He continued to shout and only stopped when a sea of people was all he could see around him. He could never find Antonio in all of this.

He stared at his feet in the middle of the sidewalk, trying not to start crying. His only hope for an explanation was gone.

“ _Perdón! Señor_!” a voice called from behind him. He turned to look, wiping his eyes and saw a woman hurrying his way. When she noticed she had his attention, she hefted a bag in the air and he realized that it was his bag that he had forgotten that he had dropped before going after Antonio.

She reached him and doubled over, panting before reaching up to hand him the bag. “ _Usted corre rapido_ ,” she laughed breathlessly as he took the bag from her. She regained her breath quickly and stood up, a bemused smile on her face.

Feliciano didn’t even think to respond in Spanish and he muttered a quick, “Thank you.” He looked over her shoulder and around, seeing if Antonio might be around and slipped off somewhere while he was distracted.

“Who were you running after? Is that who you are looking around for now?” she asked in accented English.

In his looking around, he realized that things around here looked different and things were much busier than anywhere hear his hotel. Massive crowds of people obscured his view and he began to realize that something wasn’t right. Nothing looked familiar and the street signs all held names that he had never seen before. The buildings all looked the same, but different from where his hotel was. He couldn’t recognize anything and then realized that he was lost. Lost in an unfamiliar and massive city and all alone. Upon this realization he felt his anxiety began to kick on.

His breathing grew heavy and he frantically looked around, his eyes wide. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t remember the turns he took or what streets he had been on and now he was a long way from anyone or anywhere that he know.

“Sir?” the girl asked, trying to get a look at his face. “Are you okay?”

Feli suddenly fell over in the middle of the street, the girl barely managing to catch him. He took her down with him and he laid dazed in her arms as the girl began to panic. When she felt his pulse, it was fast and erratic. She began to yell from assistance in both English and Spanish, calling for someone to call an ambulence. Feli’s head was spinning and he just couldn’t keep his eyes open, especially with the chaos going on around him and ended up slipping into unconsciousness.

////

Antonio hadn’t stayed long once Feli stopping running for him. He had hidden in an alley near where Feli had stopped and prayed that he wouldn’t think to look there for him. He took the alley out through the other side and began to run home. He didn’t stop until he was on the front porch, heaving for a breath.

He sat heavily on the front step, putting the boxes next to him and burying his face in his hands. Sweat dripped down his forehead, but he paid no mind to it. That was so close, _oh god, that was so close_. It took everything he had not to engulf Feliciano right then and there as soon as he recognized him. And when he recognized Antonio, but couldn’t remember, it hurt so much. Feliciano’s face was so distraught, Antonio felt like he was actually going to cry. It was so hard to run when he heard his name come from Feli’s mouth with such certainty. He had an internal battle with himself before panicking and deciding to run away. He had lost Feliciano, but oh god, at what cost? Would he ever find him again? What would he say to his friends inside? Could he actually say anything? What would they say?

The door behind Antonio opened, causing him to jump and turn around. Lovino stood at the door, staring down a him his face twisted in disdain. “Are you just gonna sit there or are you gonna come inside? Dinner’s almost ready.” He turned and headed back inside, leaving the door open for Antonio. Once again, he wondered if he would have the guts to tell them.

When he entered the house, he placed the boxes down and saw his few friends he had invited over sitting around the table, obviously waiting for him. Lovino, Bella, and Abel looked up when he walked in and Bella offered kind smile.

“Where were you, Toni? You’re a little late and I was worried the food was going to be cold by the time you came home!” she smiled.

Antonio tried to force a similar smile. “Yeah, funny story, but I’ll tell you after dinner.” He hadn't even meant to say that, but now he had no choice but to tell that about what happened today. How would he say it?

The whole dinner was quiet and the three kept throwing worried looks in the Spaniard’s direction, even Abel who normally seemed to dislike him. Finally everyone was done eating and Lovino didn’t miss a beat before saying, “Okay, what is going on? You haven’t said a word all throughout dinner and you came back acting weird? What happened today?”

Antonio looked for a way to begin this, finally, be decided on, “I...ran into someone.”

“Oh dear,” Bella cried, jumping a bit. “Did they attack you? Are you hurt? Did they take anything? Did you tell the police?”

Antonio laughed, interrupting her. She has always been one to worry. “I’m fine, no one mugged me!” The smile melted off his face and he stared down at his empty plate. “But he did make me feel so many emotions at once… Happiness, confusion, sadness…”

“Who was it?” Bella leaned forward.

Spain looked around the table at the faces staring back at him. Lovino looked puzzled and slightly annoyed, probably by how vague he was being, but Antonio just had no idea how to say this. Bella looked concerned and interested, the opposite of his brother who looked indifferent and bored. The unlit pipe sat in his mouth, and even though he seemed like he didn’t care, he was very interested.

Looking around one last time, Antonio took a deep breath, not daring to look anyone in the eye as he said his next words. “I saw Feliciano.”

The entire room was stone silent for no less than five seconds before it erupted into yelling. Lovino was yelling about how there was no way and Bella was desperately asking if he was 100% sure. The pipe that had been in between Abel’s teeth dropped onto the table and hit the plate in front of him with a loud, resounding clang.

When they all calmed down, Spain began telling them about what had happened. The three hung onto his every word and he finally finished up his story. “I...I was so afraid and I didn’t know what to do so I ran and I didn’t look back. Oh god, Lovino, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I should have brought him home, I’m…” He stopped and placed his head in his hands. There was nothing that he could say to make up for how foolish he had been. Lovino clenched his teeth and found it better to say nothing so he stood, violently pushing the chair in. He walked briskly to the door and the two siblings looked up.

“Lovino? What do you think you’re doing?” Abel asked as he pulled on his coat.

“I’m going out to look for my brother,” he snapped. “This dumbass let him get away and even let him chase after him and ignored him, so I’m not letting the same happen.”

Bella stood, a sad look on her face. She looked almost like she wanted to cry. “Oh, _please_ , Lovino, don’t go looking! He’s probably back where he’s staying now. Theres 1.6 million people living in this city and there are over 30 hotels. The sun is almost all set and there’s no use in looking in the dark. Please, Lovino, you can look tomorrow,” she pleaded.

His face softened when he looked at her before gritting his teeth and turning away, opening the door as he did so. “I don’t care,” he said. “My brother is out there and I’ll be damned if I let him get away. For all I know, he could leave this city tomorrow.” When he left, he slammed the door behind him and Bella sunk back down into her seat. Antonio sighed, not moving his head from his hands and no one spoke. He couldn’t decide if he had made the right decision by telling them or if he made a huge mistake and it had been better off left to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " _pequeño Italia del Norte_ " - "little Italy of the North"  
> " _Perdón! Señor!_ " - "Excuse me! Sir!"  
> " _Usted corre rapido_ " - "You run fast"


	7. brothers dont let each other wander alone

It was difficult for Feliciano to sleep that night.

After he had a panic attack and fainted in the middle of the street, he was taken to the hospital where they found his phone and called his first emergency contact: Levi. When he woke up, he was questioned by the doctors and nurses endlessly about if he knew what caused him to faint. All he had said was that he hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going when he had gone for a run and when he realized that he was lost in an unknown city and was out of breath, he panicked. There was no need for the hospital staff, or anyone really, to know that he had been chasing some strange man, whom of which he had just seen visions and dreams of previously. He didn’t even know if he wanted to tell Levi.

When Levi picked him up from the hospital, he too questioned Feliciano on what had happened. He was never one to run, and as the nurses had told him, Feliciano had indeed been running and was actually very far from their hotel. Feliciano also always had had problems with his heart and lungs, so it was never advised that he did something too physically straining, or emotionally for that matter.  

When Feliciano just turned away and said he didn’t want to talk about it, Levi took that as a que to keep his mouth shut and stop asking. He had always shared his thoughts with Levi, they were best friends after all, and he never seemed to shut his own mouth, either. If Feliciano was silent and didn’t want to talk about it, no one should keep pestering him. Even someone as talkative and eccentric as Feliciano had things they didn’t want to talk about.

That night, Feliciano laid in his bed, listening to Levi’s soft breathing from across the room for hours. No matter how many times he tried to close his eyes and fall asleep, they opened again and he found himself staring at the ceiling and thinking. Why had that man, no, Antonio run away from him? He obviously knew Feliciano somehow and looked like he wanted to stay and chat and he even called him an affectionate name, but in the end, he just ran and lead Feli into a part of the city he didn’t recognize. The one person who could provide answers from him was gone, and he just couldn’t understand any of it. As he tried to piece it all together, everything just fell apart again and he felt so helpless and alone.

Finally, near 3:00 AM, he drifted off to sleep only to be confronted with more dreams that just made everything so much more confusing.

////

The olive field was silent, not even the wind there to rustle the branches in the trees above Chibitalia. As he fiddling with the lace in his skirts, he wondered why the world was so still today. Even the bird in the tree adjacent to where he sat seemed to be moving sluggishly and seemingly refused to make a noise. Nothing particularly upsetting had happened that day, nor the days leading up to it. Mr. Austria had just been fretting about because “an obnoxious guest” would be coming over, though he never said who. Everything was normal in Austria, aside from that, though, leaving Veneziano to wonder who that guest just might be. Maybe it was so quiet today because though nothing bad had happened yet, something bad would happen and the whole world seemed to be holding it’s breath in anticipation. This thought momentarily filled Italy with anxiety as he would rather not be around for when this inevitable bad thing occurred.

Veneziano was the startled from his thoughts when a body dropped down beside him on the grass. His heart rate only returned to normal when he noticed who it was, but the anxiety he felt previously squeezing his stomach didn’t go away with this new arrival, either. By the expression on his companion’s face, they were obviously none too happy, but when were they ever?

One of the things that made sure the anxiety stayed was the look on Veneziano’s brother’s face and the actions he was repeating right now. He seemed much more upset than usual, and that was saying a lot as Romano always seemed to be as ruffled as anyone could get. He scowled at the ground in front of him, his jaw set in a hard line as he viciously pulled out handfuls of grass before throwing them to the side only to go back for more. Veneziano couldn’t image what had gotten his elder brother so worked up, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to ask either. If he did, surely his brother would just get even more angry, and that was the last thing anyone wanted, especially Vene. He just wanted to help his brother calm down, but was unsure how to do so. He decided a light hearted joke would work best as anything said would be walking on thin ice, anyway.

“What did that grass even do to you, Roma?” he giggled. As soon as the words left his mouth, he mentally chided himself for how nervous his voice had sounded, almost like he didn’t even try to disguise the fact that his brother’s anger was putting him on edge. In order to try to counteract that, he sat on his hands so he didn’t nervously play with anything around him, a habit he had had for a very long time, as well as one his brother knew very well.

Surprisingly, Romano didn’t answer, he only continued to scowl at the ground and pull at the grass. If anything, though, his tearing at the grass was even more intent now and Veneziano hoped that Romano wasn’t envisioning his hair. Something must have really upset him, as normally if Vene had said something like that, Romano would at least told him to shut up and called him a mean name.

In the silence, Veneziano bit the inside of his cheek lightly, struggling to find words to say, or something that would calm his brother down. He didn’t know what was wrong so it wasn’t like he could comfort him. While he thought in silence, Romano suddenly spoke.

“They were talking about you, ya know,” he stated bluntly, his sentence punctuated with a sneer and an even more intense scowl at the ground, if that were even possible.

“Huh?” Veneziano blinked, confused at Romano’s words.

“In there, Spain and Austria were talking about you and me. I heard them. Spain wanted a trade,” he hissed, his hands curling and uncurling into fists, pulling up more grass every time they did so, but he didn’t throw the new pieces away. He had spat the word “trade,” like it left a bad taste in his mouth. Veneziano could now see the redness rising in his cheeks from anger that just kept building up.

He tried to put everything together in his head, but he was failing miserably; he couldn’t understand what there was anything to be upset about. Spain wanted a trade? For what exactly? Wasn’t it good that Spain wanted to trade with Austria or North Italy? It would boost both countries economies, which would also be good for both Italies. And aside from why trading would benefit them, why did it matter that they were talking about them? As said before, them trading would be good for Italy, too, so of course it would be natural that they got brought up in conversation as well!

Finally, Veneziano spoke, unsure if his conclusion was correct, “I...I don’t understand, Romano…”

“Ha! Of course you don’t!” Romano barked unkindly. “You don’t get anything, you’re just an empty-headed little crybaby! You’re too stupid to understand anything and you don’t ever listen and you don’t do anything right!”

Veneziano was visibly taken aback by his brother’s harsh words; never before had his brother viciously insulted him as such. All he could do was stare in shock at his raging brother as he continued at spit horrible things out at his younger brother. It was impossible to think of anything to say; he couldn’t even understand why Romano was saying such things to him in the first place!

“No one could ever really care about you, anyway!” he continued angrily. “All you have going for you is that maybe you’re cute, but you you’re just a pussy anyway because everyone thinks you’re a girl! You’re just gonna be brainless, crybaby, girly Veneziano for the rest of your life! The only reason anyone wants you is because you have things they want; no one could ever want you for who you are!”

“Romano, please stop!” Veneziano stuttered when he could finally find the words to speak. Tears fell down his cheeks and his voice had shook when he spoke. No one had ever said such mean things to him in his whole life and now here was his older brother, his only family member, yelling at him and calling him horrible things and claiming that no one cared about him.

Was what he was saying true, Vene wondered. It did seem that way as Austria hardly treated him kindly. The Holy Roman Empire seemed to avoid him half of the time, and Hungary was often too “busy” to play with him. Similarly, many countries wanted him, but they obviously just wanted him for what he had in his country, right? That’s the only reason Austria kept him and that was probably the reason that Holy Rome was always trying to get him to join his empire. Veneziano began sniffing, and trying to wipe his eyes, but the tears just kept coming.

“That’s right; you’re crying now too!” When Veneziano didn’t say anything, or even look up, Romano pulled a face. “Look at you, you crybaby! Who could ever want you over me?” Romano yelled, pounding his fists onto the ground before looking away. He let out a breath and then he really noticed the whimpering and sniffling sounds that came from his little brother. Even then, he refused to look over, but this time, partially out of guilt, and he kept his eyes everywhere his little brother. The little brother he called horrible things, the little brother he made cry, the little brother who everyone wanted over him.

Finally, it all made sense in Veneziano’s head. Spain and Austria had been talking about them, Spain wanted a trade, and...Spain wanted to trade Romano for Veneziano. The idea made Vene’s head spin and he almost felt sick at the thought of it. How could Spain say something like that? The only person Romano had to look up to, the one he cared for most (though he’d never admit it), had wanted to get rid of him, and not only get rid of him, he wanted his brother instead. No wonder he was so upset.

Veneziano knew he couldn’t blame his brother for all the horrible things he had said, he was just upset and needed to release some of his anger. Even though he didn’t blame him, it had really hurt his feelings, and he couldn’t even figure out if what he had said was true or not. He understood that what Romano said was out of anger and fear and grief, but was he right? Vene decided not to dwell on it and he just hoped that it was all a lie. Instead, he looked over at his older brother that was now hunched over, loudly sobbing into his hands.

He wiped his eyes before pulling the older boy into his arms and holding him tightly to his body. Thankfully Romano didn’t try to pull away or hitting him, he just laid there and cried into his younger brother’s chest, holding tightly to his back. As Romano emptied his eyes and let all of his frustration and sadness out, Veneziano took in a soft shuddering breath before he began to hum a soft lullaby, one that his grandfather used to sing to him when he was upset. While he hummed and Romano calmed down, he was suddenly sad to know that Romano probably wouldn’t recognize the tune. Grandpa Rome had said that most of the time, he didn’t even want to meet with him.

Veneziano thought on this for a moment before Romano’s tears subsided and he began to hum along in a shaky tune. So he did recognize it after all, Veneziano thought happily, a smile falling across his cheeks. He pressed his face into Romano’s hair and continued to hum quietly along with his brother.

The next dream was one he’d had frequently.

Veneziano was an adult, running through the hallways of the large house with a grin on his face. Before entering a room or taking another turn of the long hallways, he’d stop and beckon with his whole arm, a very animated motion, calling to someone further down the hall. Everytime he’d do this, there would be an irritated grumble from down the hall of “I’m coming” and various profanities. Veneziano ignored all of that and just made sure that his brother was following behind him.

Finally, he threw open a door as he was bustling with excitement. The man in the chair and the desk jumped up in surprise and was reaching for a weapon to stop this intruder before he realized who it was. “Germany! Germany!” Veneziano cried happily, as if he hadn’t already gotten the other man’s attention with his abrupt entrance.

A sigh left Germany’s lips when he reazlied who had interrupted him and he lowered his arm that held a pen in defensive position. “Italy,” he began, straining to keep the annoyance out his voice, and failing. “What makes you think you can barge in here an interrupt my work? I’m very busy if you cannot tell.” He gestured to the piles of paperwork on his desk which Veneziano didn’t even glance at.

“I wanted you to meet-!” he cut himself off, looking around before reaching outside the door and tugging someone it behind him by the sleeve. A man nearly identical to himself stood there, the only difference being that he was slightly shorter and his hair and skin was slightly darker. He stood there silently, frowning at the floor as Veneziano bounced on the balls of his feet beside him.

“Look, Germany! This is my big brother Romano! Isn’t he cool?” Veneziano grinned brightly, gripping his brother's arm. He was worried about how this meeting was going to go, but Romano wasn’t yelling (yet) and Germany wasn’t yelling (yet), so everything would probably work out alright and they could all be friends! He just wanted his two favorite people in the whole world to like each other.

“There are two of you…?” Germany muttered under his breath before shaking his head and pushing the thought away. He cleared his throat awkwardly and nodded. “Hello, I’m Germany. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said politely. So far this Romano seemed calm and quiet, much better than his brother. He might as well give him a chance.

“I’m the northern part of the country and he’s that southern part! That’s why they call me Veneziano and him Romano! Since we’ve always been governed separately, he’s spent more time with our big brother Spain! Now say hi to my friend!” That last sentence was directed towards Romano.

Romano looked up and stared right and Germany before his face twisted up into a sneer. “Suck my balls, potato eater.”

Germany’s mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Oh boy…,” Veneziano whispered before wrapping his arms around his brother. Hugs always calmed him down, and they worked sometimes when they were younger, so why wouldn’t they work now? He had actually been trying this new thing called “hug therapy” which he liked to think would be very effective, but it never was and it never really had ever been.

“Would you stop with the hug therapy already?” Romano snapped loudly, struggling in his brother's tight hold and trying to pry his arms off of him. This only made Veneziano tighten his grip in order to not be thrown off. He didn’t even notice when Romano made a half choking noise from Vene’s grip being too tight.

“Romano, I just asked you to do this one thing! Just be nice to Germany, please! If you do this I’ll...I’ll let you have my gelato for a week!” Veneziano begged, wincing at the thing he had promised. Giving up his gelato would be one of the hardest things to do in his life, but he thought that it might just be enough to get Romano to calm down and give Germany a chance.

Finally, Romano struggled out of Vene’s arms and shot a vicious glare and Germany. Then he shot another at Veneziano, one that was even more deadly that the one he gave to Germany. After that, he strode out of the room and down the hallway, mumbling under his breath about “stupid little brothers” and “potato sucking bastards.”

Veneziano stood awkwardly near the door of the room, fiddling with his own hands and refusing to look up at Germany. His face burned pink and he felt embarrassed and hurt. Embarrassed because his brother had embarrassed him in front of Germany, one of the people who looked up to the most. He felt like he had made a fool out of himself for bringing Romano into the room, hoping that they could get along. He had called Germany a rude name and that entire thing had just been mortifying for him.

He was hurt because the way his brother had acted. Sure he was always angry like that, but Vene had never asked his brother to do anything for him before and he tried to stay on his good side. The one time he asks for something simple from him, Romano can’t even do that. He can’t even keep his mouth shut long enough to say a simple hello to the man that Veneziano called his best friend.

Veneziano barely even noticed the tears slipping down his cheeks and the breathy sobs coming from his mouth. Germany tentative laid a hand on his shoulder, completely surprised. He’d seen Vene cry before, but those were just because he cried a lot. This was because he was actually sad and upset. Not to mention his sobs were usually loud and for attention; these were quiet and it looked like he was trying to hide them.

“Italy?” he asked quietly, unsure of what to do.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered almost inaudibly in response.

“For what?”

“For...I don’t know. I’m just so embarrassed and I thought you two could get along but I just made everything worse. Please don’t hate him, it’s not his fault he’s like that.” Vene hiccuped quietly, refusing to look up to meet Germany’s gaze. He wiped at the tears that wouldn’t stop falling, desperately trying to get them away so Germany wouldn’t worry. He felt the other man’s eyes burning into his skin and that only made him even more embarrassed. He probably thought he was weak now.

Slowly, Germany pulled Veneziano close to his own body, holding him rigidly. He knew that Veneziano craved constant physical contact and when he was upset, he probably needed it more than anything.

Veneziano shivered in Germany’s arms and he was about to pull away, worried he had made the other uncomfortable, until Vene’s arms slowly reached around him and pressed his face into his chest. His cries were louder now as he didn’t feel the need to hide them anymore, but still muffled from his face being in Germany’s chest.

After a few minutes, when they had both relaxed in each other's arms, Veneziano pulled his face out of Germany’s chest and gazed up at him, tear streaks staining his face.

“I’m still,” he paused for a shaking gulp of air, “so sorry, Germany.”

“No, no, it’s fine. You don’t need to apologize anymore,” Germany insisted, his cheeks turning crimson as he tried to ignore the closeness between the two. The two were silent for a moment before Germany pulled away and coughed into his fist. “Erm...you better go find your brother and calm him down a bit.”

Veneziano just frowned and briefly and thought of telling him that it was fine, Romano was always like that, just for an excuse to go back into Germany’s arms, but finally, he decided against it and took a step back. “Of course. I’ll be back later Germany; ciao!” As soon as he exited the room and turned to corner of the hallway, he sighed and leaned his back against the wall.

They had been so close and Germany hadn’t pulled away or yelled at him or anything. But then again maybe it was just out of pity or something. Of course, Germany wouldn’t like Veneziano like that…

Before he began to think too much about it, Vene began walking down the hallway to find his brother and escort him out. He was particularly easy to locate as well due to all of his loud complaining about how big the house was and how he just couldn’t seem to find his way out.

The final dream was by far the worst one.

Veneziano was cooking pasta, per usual, when his brother arrived at his home in Venice, completely soaked. It was completely obvious that Romano did not want to talk right now and he was in a completely foul mood. All he did was sit in the table in the kitchen and scowl at the table. Vene couldn't tell if he had been like that previously or the rain had did that to him.

“Erm…,” Veneziano tried nervously. “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes…”

Romano didn’t answer and Vene just silently turned back to the boiling pot on the stove. He took a deep breath and tried to still his shaking hands. He wasn’t shaking because of his brother, he was shaking because it was raining very hard in Venice and as it poured, the canals were getting close to flooding over. He felt quite ill already and was clumsy on his feet, but he wanted to make food for him and his brother when he visited. He was at least hoping his brother would be in a better mood, at least one to comfort him a little bit, but his was mistaken. He probably didn’t even notice how quiet Veneziano’s voice was or how pale he was or how much his hands shook as well as him swaying and struggling to keep his balance.

He wanted Romano to notice and to comfort him, but it wasn’t like he was desperate enough to seek it out. He had been through hundreds of Acqua Altas in his life and spent them alone as well, many worse than this. He was sure he would be fine.

“It’s ready,” Veneziano said softly, preparing a bowl for his brother and then himself. His hands still shook as he placed Romano’s bowl down in front of him and he hoped that he didn’t notice. He would probably take it that Vene was afraid of his bad mood, and he was, but much less and not enough to shake.

As Veneziano turned, he accidently stumbled causing his own bowl to topple out of his hands and shatter on the floor, pasta and glass scattered all around him. He watched it in slow motion, there being nothing to stop it. As the bowl shattered, he let out a sign, just disappointed in himself and very tired at the same time. Suddenly, Romano stood from the table causing the chair to fall back and he glowered at his brother.

“God, why can’t you do anything right?” Romano snapped.

Veneziano flinched before kneeling to try to pick out the glass before going to clean the rest of the mess up. There was no need for anyone to get hurt before he could get to it. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “If you hadn’t noticed, it’s raining quite hard and the canals are close to flooded so I’m not at my best. Just go ahead and eat your pasta while I pick this up.” He tried to force a smile.

“That was such a nice bowl, too,” Romano said, ignoring his brothers previous statement entirely. 

“Don’t worry, it’s replaceable," Vene said softly, trying to calm his brother down while not trying to make him angrer at the same time, but he couldn't have his cake and eat it too, it seemed. 

“And you aren’t even upset like a normal person; why are you so incompetent?”

Veneziano stood on shaky legs, placing the glass bits on the counter beside him, the red droplets on them hard to differentiate between blood and pasta sauce. He was quickly growing annoyed with his brother's attitude. Couldn't he tell that Vene was already stressed enough? “Why are you yelling at me? It’s not my fault, and it’s my bowl. I’ll feel a lot better if you would just lower your voice a bit.”

“Lower my voice?”

Oh no.

“Lower my voice? Excuse me, Veneziano, but I am aloud to be as loud as I want especially when you’re so...so…,” he searched for the word, “defective!”

Veneziano gaped at him before stuttering, “Defective…? I...Why would you say that, Lovino?”

“Because it’s true!”

“No, it’s not!” Veneziano retorted while pulling a face. “Would you just stop yelling at me please? I'm in the middle of an Acqua Alta right now and your yelling is not helping." He tried to keep his voice calm as he struggled to keep his breathing right. Getting worked up would only make his condition worse. 

“You know what Veneziano? I can’t stand being around you anymore!” Romano clenched his fists as he stared down his brother. 

“Excuse me? Romano, you don’t mean…?”

“I want my independence!”

Veneziano stumbled back as if he had been physically struck, barely flinching as he stepped on little pieces of broken glass. At first, he just thought Romano didn’t know what he was saying, but the look on Romano’s face showed that he knew exactly the effect of his words.

It was hard for Veneziano to wrap his mind around the sentence. Romano was a huge support for him, not only as a person and emotionally, but as a county, Venice had always been unstable and before the unification, everything had been much harder for him. When they came together as one country, his pains were less frequent and Acqua Altas never seemed as bad. If Romano wanted to be his own country, away from Veneziano, then surely Veneziano would die, especially with the rising of the tides. What Romano was saying was that he wanted Veneziano dead. And he knew that was exactly what would happen, too.

Vene searched his brothers face a moment before averting his eyes to the floor and clenching his fists, trying to keep back his tears. He couldn’t tell if he was angry or sad; too many emotions were hitting him all at once. Finally when he found his voice, he said something that surprised both of them.

“How dare you, you asshole?” A choked sob pushed through his lips and he quickly brushed passed Romano to the door, picked up his shoes, and ran out into the rain. He didn’t even hear his brother call out for him over the noise of the storm.

The scene of the dream changed and Veneziano laid in his bed, Romano sitting at his side, his head in his hands. He was completely still and silent and was only moved when he heard Veneziano croak, “Romano? What happened?”

Romano jumped up and kneeled next to his brother on the bed. He pulled him into a sitting position and then pulled him into his arms, thoroughly surprising Vene. Romano was holding tight to his younger brother, surprising Vene even more when he felt tears hitting his neck.

“Oh god...please, Feliciano, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. When you ran out into that storm I...I was so worried and then I went after you and it wasn't until the storm cleared up when…!” his words choked off and Veneziano blinked in surprise before wrapping his arms around his brother as well. He didn’t remember much after running out into the storm. All he remembered was making it pretty far before he began couldn’t breath and when he tried to clear his throat, he tasted blood.

“I’m fine, Lovino, see? Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.”

“No!” Romano shouted startling him. “It’s not okay. What I said...I could have killed you...you could have killed yourself, going out there like that! They had to pull your body out of the canal and I thought…I thought…,” he struggled with his next words. “I thought I had lost my little brother! God, I’m so so sorry, Feliciano. It’s all my fault…”

“It’s fine, Lovino, I’m fine, or at least I will be fine. I don’t blame you," he said tenderly, running his fingers along Romano's back. 

Romano pulled his head out of Veneziano’s neck to show a face full of anguish and tears. “How can you forgive me so easily, you bastard? I nearly killed you!”

Veneziano was surprised. Didn’t Romano know that Vene loved him? Of course he would forgive him easily. He thought a moment before saying, “We’re different and I know you, that’s why I can forgive you so easily. We both have different needs and if you need to yell at me, I’ll let you yell. I love you and I don’t want you to hurt yourself by never letting out how you feel.

“What you said still hurt and it will continue to hurt for a while; you basically said you wanted me dead, Vino..." At that, both brothers cringed. "But no matter what, I will still love you and I can tell you’re sorry and you love me, too.”

Romano looked into his brother's eyes for any sign of untruth in his brothers word that may be betrayed by his face. When he found none, he leaned into Veneziano’s arms again with a sigh. “You are unbelievable,” he said, pressing his face into Veneziano’s skin.

Veneziano smiled and hugged his brother tighter. “Thanks,” he said softly before beginning to hum softly.


	8. ruins at your feet

It was a colder day than most and Lovino had been out in the city since 7:00 that morning. On any normal day, getting up that early and trudging for hours in the city with little to no sleep would be hell, but if it was for Feliciano, it was bearable at the least and certainly would be worth it as long as he found him.

After he had heard what Antonio said a few nights ago, he had left the house immediately searching for his little brother, and had been out looking until at least midnight. When he arrived angry and tired at half passed, the three bombarded him with questions, or at least Bella and Antonio did, but he only ignored them and pushed passed to his room. He needed to try to sleep at least a few hours before he went back out into the city to look for Feliciano. It was difficult to sleep that night, as well as the nights following. When he did manage to sleep, his dreams were filled with his little brother calling out for him, searching for him, and when Lovino would finally get close enough to almost hold him...he’d wake up and be staring into darkness and reaching out for nothing. After that, he’d toss and turn in his bed for hours on end, his mind too busy to allow him to close his eyes, but his body too tired to allow him to get up and do anything to distract himself. In the past week, he’d probably only slept a dozen hours. 

As Lovino walked briskly through the city, he wondered for a moment if his brother was even still in the city, or if Antonio had been mistaken. No, there’s no way he could have been mistaken, his story made too much sense. How Feliciano knew his name and chased after him, how he recognized the affectionate nickname he had given him so long ago and used frequently still. Well, frequently until he had...died. Or disappeared rather. Yes, that felt so much better, reminding himself that Feliciano wasn’t dead, he just disappeared. How he had disappeared rather that died was a mystery, and Lovino wanted answers. All of the countries probably wanted answers, and when Lovino found Feli, really found him, he’d be the one who wanted the most.

After trudging along and searching for the next hotel for nearly and hour, Lovino finally found one and ducked inside as soon as he came across it. Once inside, he took a break just to stand in the corner and rub his hands together to get more feeling into them. How stupid he had been go go out without gloves. But then again, feelings made you do stupid things. Desperation, anger, and love were among the emotions that Lovino felt, a recipe for disaster if he wasn’t careful. 

As he stood and waited for his hands to warm up, he thought about Feliciano, and as always whenever he thought of him, he could remember the good only for a moment before the memory of his brother’s death surfaced to his mind. Once that happened, it was all he could think about, no matter how hard he tried to remember something better. He tried to push it out of his mind, the exact moment, but the more he tried, the more it persisted in the back of his mind. 

Feliciano stood at the door of Lovino’s home, grinning brightly (as usual) after invited himself in (as usual). “Ciao, Lovino,” he chirped, closing the door behind him. Lovino only rolled his eyes and brushed passed Feliciano and into the kitchen before his younger brother could take it over. Sure it was Lovino’s house, but whenever Feli visited, he would vanish into the kitchen and cook for hours, and use all of Lovino’s ingredients as well as make a huge mess. Whenever Feliciano cooked, no matter who it was for, he made feasts fit for a king and then left whoever (usually Lovino) with all of the leftovers (not that he was complaining). Although his food was very good and it meant that Lovino didn’t have to cook his own food for a week, there were some days when he just wanted Feli out of the kitchen. Or out of his house. Or out of the country. Whichever way was quicker and got him the furthest away from him.

“Yeah, yeah,” he huffed in greeting as he passed. 

“Aw, Lovino,” Feliciano whined, following his brother, with the look and essence of a lost puppy. “We haven’t seen each other for so long and you can’t even give me a proper hello?” He frowned comically which Lovino only sighed at and immediately looked away again once he saw it. That face had always gotten him. 

“I literally saw you just two months ago. Nowhere near long enough to deserve a ‘proper hello’ or whatever. Now, two centuries, sure. Would you just get out of here?” Then he turned to Feliciano and began pushing him out of the kitchen and into his living room all while Feliciano dragged his heels in the ground. Why did he have to be so infuriating? “Just go sit on the couch and wait. I’ll make you something, I guess,” he muttered. 

“Yay! My big brother is making me food!”

“Whatever, it’s just to keep you from ruining my kitchen with your messes,” Lovino scoffed before rolling his eyes and proceeding back to the kitchen. 

“Okey-dokey!” Feliciano giggled, punctuated with a nod before he sat politely on the couch to wait as asked. After a minute or two of silence, he began to grow bored and tried to make a conversation. Lovino never responded and only ignored him focusing more on his cooking. Though Lovino was silent, Feliciano held a one sided conversation regardless and talked about his day and the cats he saw outside and his way here and funny things that his friends did recently (which earned a scoff from Lovino). 

After talking for so long, the patterns in Feliciano’s speech began to change subtly. Had Lovino been paying better attention, he would not have missed it, but at this point, he was just trying to get his brother out of his mind and house as soon as possible. The pauses between Feliciano’s words grew longer and he began to sound tired, like it was taking all his energy just to talk. Then he was silent for a long time, which Lovino gladly welcomed. His little brother had been talking for close to 10 minutes straight and Lovino just wanted some silence so he could cook in peace. The faster this cooking was done, the sooner Feliciano would get out. He was nearly done and to him at this point, “done” felt like he was coming up to the gates of heaven!

The silence was broken by Feliciano speaking softly, much softer than usual, but Lovino didn’t take notice. “Lovino…?” was all he said before waiting a few seconds. When his brother didn’t answer, Feliciano tried again, louder this time. “Lovino?” He had spoken with a greater volume, but along with that, a greater sense of urgency. Once again, Lovino didn’t answer, so he tried again and again and again. After five “Lovino”s, he finally snapped. 

Lovino slapped his hands against the counter, causing the plastic spoon in one of his hands to thwack loudly. He couldn’t see it, but in the living room, Feliciano jumped from the sudden noise. “God, won’t you just shut the fuck up?” Lovino sneered loudly. “I hate you, you bastard!” 

With that, he turned and stormed from the kitchen and up the stairs to his bedroom. He heard Feliciano call for him once more, sounding vaguely panicked, before Lovino slammed the door to his bedroom shut. It was definitely a good thing that he was done with the food so his annoying little brother could just eat it and then leave without bothering him.

Lovino laid in his bed for nearly 10 minutes before realizing that it was way too quiet in the house. Usually Feliciano would have devoured all of the food in the kitchen by now and then come up to drag him from what little peace he had found and annoy him, but today the house was silent and still. Even on some days when Feli visited and Lovino was in one of his moods, his little brother would have at least loudly called that he was leaving instead of coming up the bother him. At first it had been nice to just exist in his room without Feliciano bothering him, but now he was starting to get a bit unnerved and worried. Hadn’t Feli wanted something from him before he had left? Now that he thought about it, Feliciano’s voice had had a hint of distress in it, but what could lead him to that? Did something happen to him? He had just been joyfully chatting away as normal before going silent for a minute or two. What could have caused that? Did someone hurt him in someway and that was what he wanted to talk about? Or...

Lovino flew off the bed and threw the door open, nearly ripping it off its hinges in his haste. He bolted down the hall and then the stairs as fast as he could. Oh god, please let him be wrong, please let him wrong, please let him-!

The sight before him terrified him to no end. He couldn’t repress the slight scream that slipped passed his lips. His little brother, Feliciano was curled up on the ground only a few feet away from the stairs, one of his hands was weakly pressed to his nose and mouth, the other on his heart. Lovino could clearly see the blood seeping from between the fingers on his face and splattering on the white carpet below him. His face was so pale and he looked so tired, the skin under his eyes dark and laden with bags. His entire body was shaking as he struggled, obviously fighting for his life. His position of the floor and the trail of blood told Lovino that he had tried to get to the stairs, trying to reach his brother. Lovino couldn’t tell if the hand pressed to his face was to keep the blood from getting on the floor or a vain attempt to keep in it. Oh god, this was all his fault...

When Lovino finally found his voice again, he shrieked loudly, “Feliciano!” He hurried to his brothers side and knelt beside him before lifting him into a sitting position in his arms. As he lifted him onto his lap, Feliciano’s hands fell to his sides and Lovino could see tear streaks running down his face along with proof of the heavy flow of blood that was still coming. He barely registered that Feliciano had stopped shaking. “Feliciano! Feliciano! Brother, look at me!” he cried, but Feliciano did not respond. Was he even still conscious? Was he even still...alive? The thought of his brother being dead terrified him more than anything in the world. No, there was no way that Feliciano could be dead. There was no way this could be Lovino’s fault! 

Lovino lowered his head to his brothers chest to listen for something, anything, anything at all- there! A faint and irregular beat was heard doing hardly anything to relieve Lovino, but not even five seconds after he heard it, it sputtered out. Lovino pressed his head deeper into his brother's chest, thinking maybe the irregularity of it caused it to stutter for a moment, but still heard nothing. 

“Damn it, Vene!” Lovino cried before placing him on the ground and trying to restart his heart using CPR. Every few seconds, he would check for breath or a heart beat, anything! But every time, he would come up empty and there was nothing. Finally, after a few minute of trying, and the CPR getting more difficult with Lovino’s ragged breathing and violent sobs, he stopped. Lovino just gathered his brother in his arms and held him tightly to his chest. He barely noticed how loud he was sobbing and yelling angry profanities as he clutched his little brother’s body to him. Blood stained his carpet and clothes but none of that mattered anymore. His little brother was dead. Nothing would matter ever again. 

It seemed like seconds and hours at the same time when the police were finally bursting through to door of his home only to be greeted with the site of a grieving Romano covered in blood and clutching a dead body in his arms. The reason they had arrived to such a horrible scene was that a concerned neighbor had called the police after she heard screaming and crying. When the police had arrived on the scene and he had failed to open the door, he hadn’t even noticed that they had been knocking, they forced their way into his home and found the horrible and sad site. None of them had been sure what to make of the scene. The paramedics had arrived only shortly after and Lovino had to be tightly held back while then took Feliciano from his arms and put him on a stretcher. All the while, Lovino screamed and cried for him as he watched him be carried away. “No! NO!” he screamed. “That’s my little brother; you can’t take him! Please, Feliciano! _FELICIANO_!”

The paramedics had called the emergency contact in his Lovino’s phone, as he couldn’t himself. They explained to Antonio that Lovino couldn’t call him because he was... _emotionally distraught_. The paramedics told him that Lovino’s little brother had, passed on, in a sense, and that Lovino would need to be picked up from the police station and there would need to be someone to prepare a funeral. 

At first, Antonio thought that it was some kind of horrible, sick joke. Someone had found Lovino’s phone after he lost it (not the first time) and contacted him as way to amuse themselves (again, not the first time), but he was very soon proved wrong when he arrived at the police station. He arrived to see Lovino curled up in a chair with a shock blanket around him while he shook violently with silent sobs. It had appeared like he had run out of tears the shed, but he still wanted to cry. 

The first thing he did was not comfort Lovino, he sat down next to him and took the shock blanket that was offered to him. Feliciano? Dead? It was an impossible thought, a revolting one. How could someone so full of life and energy just be...gone? A friend to everyone and someone who was so joyful and so alive...it was impossible to picture him dead. No matter how hard Antonio tried, he couldn’t see it. He couldn’t even begin to fathom someone like Feliciano just laying there, not alive, his body still, without a smile on his face. 

As Lovino was incapacitated, Antonio had to take the horrible job upon himself to alert to other countries about what had occurred, feeling horrible the entire time. He helped arrange the funeral with a few other countries, doing it for Lovino, but in the end, Lovino didn’t even end up going. It had only been a week since Feliciano died and he was not faring well at all. He seemed to be angry that there was even a funeral at all. His reasoning for not going and viciously hating the funeral were that it would make him and probably everyone feel worse. He refused to see his brother dressed up nicely in a nice new suit and tie. Feliciano could never wear a suit for any more than thirty seconds before miraculously getting it covered with wrinkles or getting stains on it or cuddling a cat and getting fur all over it. Seeing him in a perfect suit just reminded him more that laying there was not his brother anymore. His brother was gone. His brother was dead.

Back in the corner of the hotel lobby, Lovino pressed a freezing fist to his face between eyes. He didn’t need to be crying a public, especially in a random hotel where he wasn’t even checking in. His little brother was actually alive anyway; what was there to cry about anymore? The faster he went through the hotels in Barcelona, the faster he could see him again.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when a soft voice made him look up from his fist. “Sir, are you here for a room?”

The man standing in front of him looked both old and young at the same time. The name tag on his pristine uniform said “Esme Cortez-Rios.” 

Lovino cleared his throat before speaking to make sure that it wouldn’t crack when he spoke. “Erm, no, but I was wondering if anyone by the name of Feliciano Vargas stayed here recently?” Even though he had cleared his throat beforehand, his voice had still cracked upon saying his brother’s name. Thankfully, the man either didn’t notice or just chose not to comment on it.

“I’m not sure. Why do you ask?” he asked curiously. 

“He’s my little brother and I haven’t seen him in...many years. I heard from a friend of mine, and I use that term very loosely, that he was staying somewhere in the city and I really need to find him before he leaves.” 

“Ah, I see,” Esme said before turning and nodding his head for Lovino to follow him to the front desk. As he went behind the counter and began typing things into the computer, he spoke. “That's horrible, losing track of someone close to you like that.” He let out a sad sigh before continuing. “How did you lose him, may I ask?” He began to scroll though what Lovino assumed must have been the guest list on the computer. “Vargas, you said his name was, right?”

Lovino was this close to telling him where he could shove the curiosity of his because it was none of his business, but did it really matter? “Vargas, yeah. And I don’t really know. He had been...violently ill for quite sometime and then one day he was there and then when I went back for him...he was gone. Just disappeared.” He found his voice growing quieter as he spoke. Even though it was mostly a lie, he couldn’t help but realize how close to the actual truth it was. 

“He ran away, huh…?” Although Lovino didn’t say that, he didn’t bother correcting the man. He could make whatever conclusions he wanted as they were based on his lies anyway. “Maybe…,” Esme paused before saying what he wanted to. “Maybe he thought it was his time or something?”

“Excuse me?” Lovino asked, getting a bit testy. What was this man implying now? 

Esme obviously picked up on the danger that was hidden in Lovino’s voice so he chose his next words carefully. “Well, erm, like animals will wander off when they think it’s their time to go. Maybe since he was as ill as you say, he didn’t want to worry anyone too much so he just left or something…”

Lovino would have said that it would have worried someone more for him to run off like that, especially sick, but he decided to stay silent. Sure Lovino is was angry for him basically implying that his little brother was an animal, but in the end, what was the point in arguing over it? Once again, it was based on Lovino’s lies that he came to this conclusion. In the end, Lovino just scrunched up his face and looked away, wringing his hands together in front of him. His fingertips were still cold. 

After a minute of awkward silence that hung in the air, the man behind the computer, Esme, spoke up. “Vargas, Feliciano?” He glanced up to Lovino who jumped and immediately faced him.

“Yes, that’s him! Is he staying here? What room?” 

Esme looked down for a moment, trying to find a way to word what he wanted to say without angering the man in front of him. He was already walking on eggshells from what he said earlier that Lovino and graciously decided not to respond to. “I...I’m sorry, Mr. Vargas.” His eyes stayed on his computer as he spoke softly, a frown on his lips.

Lovino’s brow furrowed as he stared at the man? He’s sorry? Sorry for what? “What do you mean, damn it? He’s here isn’t he?” Lovino demanded, a sneer finding it’s way across his lips.

Esme was able to keep calm as he answered, a sympathetic frown on his face. “He was. But...it appears that he checked out the day after Christmas.”

Lovino’s lips parted. Impossible. He was just here and now he had missed him! He had been gone for over a week and Lovino had been searching endlessly for him all over the city! All of that searching he had done, every second, was wasted from the moment that Feliciano left Barcelona. Why had he left so suddenly anyway? Usually when people went places for the holidays, they stayed for New Year's, too!

“Well? Where did he go then?” Lovino demanded, his hands balled into fists at his sides. There was an angry yet determined look set on his face. 

Esme was just about to respond, obviously that he didn’t know, when a woman, a maid, walked by. “Where did who go?” she asked, pushing herself into the conversation. Once again, Emse was about to respond when Lovino beat him to it.

“Feliciano Vargas.”

The women looked up at Lovino and a smile spread across her features. “Well I’ll be damned, are you to related? You look just liked him!”

Lovino jumped at this new revelation. She had known or at least spoken to Feliciano personally and remembered him! “You knew him? Did he say where he was heading?” 

“Hm...now let’s see…,” the women said, turning her eyes upward to look at the ceiling as she began to try to recall everything that Feliciano had said to her. “He was always so chatty, not only with me, but everyone he met, and I remember catching him before he told me he was about to check out. That boy seemed nearly panicked to get out of this city, really made me wonder why…”

Lovino crossed his arms and began to tap his foot impatiently at all of the information that he had no use for. He was getting even more frustrated with how long this woman was dragging this out as the seconds ticked by. “Never mind how he was acting, he’s always acting like a freak one way or another. Did he say anything about where he was going?” he asked again. He hadn’t even met him again and he was already insulting him. 

She lowered her eyes back down to Lovino and scrunched up her face while staring at him. “It was somewhere in America, I know. In California. Ah...San something, yeah that sounds about right! But, erm, there are a couple cities around there that begin that way. Sorry I couldn’t be more help to you.” She frowned and watched him for his reaction. 

Lovino tried to take it all in. Finally, he was close to finding his brother again. And he thought he remembered Japan saying something about San something in California before he just had to go and lose the address. 

“It’s fine,” Lovino finally huffed, managing to keep his temper in front of this women. He was always better and doing that and having more patience with women than with men. “I’ll be on my way, then. I have a little brother to catch.” With that, he pulled his coat tighter around him and walked out the door, back into the cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ok. i nearly cried while writing this chapter, especially around the part where antonio was trying to take in feliciano's death and why lovino refused to go to the funeral. i really wrote how antonio felt after my own experience with a person so full of life passing on. a few weeks ago, a boy only a year older than me who went to my school passed on and even though i never spoke to him, i knew of him and it was quite shocking. he had been larger than life and such a funny and kind person and nearly everyone was his friend. it was so surprising to me when i found out he had passed on and it was just impossible to think of someone like he not being around anymore. he was such a kind person, but i hope hes in a better place now. 
> 
> anyway, i hope u enjoyed!


End file.
